Debby Does…

Without taking you on a very long journey through my life, I’ll encapsulate a time that absolutely sucked, so that we can get on to the good stuff.  

Everybody had a shitty 2020-2021; and we took shittiness to a new level during those days.  We kicked off 2020 with a massive fire at the storage unit that housed most of our personal belongings, as well as all of the sets, props, and costumes from our theater company.  Tilly, the dog, got cancer (little did we know cancer would become a trend).  Covid—’nuff said.  My mom, with whom we lived, experienced quickly advancing dementia, which changed our lives dramatically and embedded overwhelming sadness into every day.  Then, I thought because the dog made it look fun, I would get some cancer myself.  Two types of cancer—non-invasive—in the left breast, two surgeries, 20 radiation treatments, and then, cancer free.  Dog got cancer again too.  Had to move my mom to assisted living which was a hell not to be believed and unnecessary to describe.  To pay for that care, we had to sell our family home of 51 years.  I had never known a day without Arkansas Avenue or without my mom.  In 2021, I would get to know both, as my mom would leave us in November.  It sucked. 

Now, let’s get to the part you’ll like.  

Our house selling process was simple.  We engaged a broker and instructed him to bring us a buyer.  He did.  He also insisted that we get together to meet.  

Enter Paul and Beth.  The life parallels were insane.  He and Jim had done their undergraduate work at the same university, at the same time.  Beth and her sisters were named for all the Little Women girls, and I had just played Marmee in the musical.  We both had moms with dementia and spent time with our families in Southwest Florida.  We thought Ron DeSantis was an ass.  The connection was instant and electric.  

At some point, I’ll tell you more about these incredible people, but I’ve just got to share this story.  

Our recent decision to sell our houses and move back to Indiana has been met with some resistance, some sadness, and, also, some elation.  It’s no small endeavor, and I won’t tell you that I don’t doubt myself at times.  We are completely changing our lives and charging forward into the future with mild abandon.  Notice I did not use the word wild.  We are not wild.  

I email with Paul, now of Arkansas Avenue, frequently, and enjoy our chats.  Recently, he sent me this thought (edited a bit):  

“I have been thinking of you over the past month or so and wanted to send you a note about two things that have been at the front of my mind. First, sitting on our little banquette/breakfast nook, we have a simple snow globe with nothing but snow inside. I frequently give it a shake when I sit down there with my coffee.  I stop and think, and say to Beth repeatedly, ‘Jim and Debby are shaking up their snow globe; it’s a little scary and uncertain.  You can’t see how it will turn out immediately, but it’s beautiful and eventually settles down (until you shake it up again!).’ I am sure you want the snow to settle and get to the next thing, but I think it is also just beautiful that you guys have the type of relationship that you both are willing to shake it up. Lots of people don’t have that partner in life.”

I freaking love this snow globe metaphor.  We are shaking it up!  Paul is right!  We’re not stagnating and rotting away in mundane routines.  We are starting fresh; forging ahead; and scaring the bejeezus out of ourselves.  

We are shaking that snow globe and trusting that, when it settles, we’ll see ourselves and our new life with that quiet clarity that only a snowfall can bring—crisp, fresh, and new.  

Holy moly, that’s good stuff!  What will you shake up today?