Debby Does…

Over the past few months, since I retired and stepped away from other longterm endeavors, I’ve been thinking about leadership and leaders more often than I imagined. I find myself considering what leadership looks like and sounds like, who is getting it right, who is learning as they go, and who is making a big ol’ crockpot mess of things.

Throughout my teaching career, I experienced many administrators in varying stages of their leadership journeys (that’s the nicest way I can say this). I may be off on the numbers, but I believe it was (3) superintendents, (6) principals, and at least (18) vice/assistant principals. Each comes in with their ideas for reform and new mandates. Many times those changes are associated with an advanced degree, paid for by the district. Those new procedures and policies are often short-lived, lasting only until the next person, with a different dissertation topic, appears in the office. To say that it leaves the staff jaded and unexcited for all of these “new” ideas is an understatement. Why commit to it when it won’t last or be enforced beyond the submission of a paper or presentation? Leaders look for real problems and come up with real solutions, not just topics for research.

In my 25 years of high school teaching experience, I also served as a representative for our union, helping teachers and staff through difficult times and disciplinary matters. That’s where I got a real close up on what “leadership” looks like. I saw some compassion and empathy, but I saw lots of power hungry bosses, wielding their authority in a way that was neither flattering nor humane. Based in insecurity and a lack of self understanding, these administrators chose to use vindictiveness and punishment to correct the behavior. Ironically, this is exactly what they asked us not to do in our classrooms, but that is an entirely different conversation.

I can remember sitting across from one of our principals; let’s call him George. I said to him that we all understood that he had power (and that he used it as his default setting), but it was influence that could make him a good leader. Not just power. There has to be a balance between power and influence.

Additionally, as employees, it’s not enough to simply be “happy” in your job. Real leaders have workers who are happy and committed. It’s only in these conditions that people can feel comfortable to take risks, try new things, and grow. People who are happy and committed at work are invested, feel supported, and identify as part of a team. That makes for a cohesive, productive, and successful group of humans, working towards common goals, enjoying that process, and doing good along the way.

Leaders listen. They don’t just talk over you and bully you into their way or the highway. In a few experiences, I have found myself working for people who are far too comfortable saying things like, “If you don’t appreciate the way we do things here, go work somewhere else. We can replace you like that.”

Oh, yes, this makes me want to give up extra time for you, try harder, and do more. I feel so valued and essential. Perhaps you could send me a few videos on teamwork. I’m sure this is nothing a good Ted Talk won’t fix.

Telling people that they don’t matter, that they are instantly replaceable, and devaluing them is not leadership. When people go through hard times, the appropriate response is to offer help, support, and solutions, not to punish or throw them away like yesterday’s garbage. I have watched people do it in real time. These are moments for conversation and the opportunity for a leader to use their resources to help. That is a basic tenet of leadership.

When you create a culture of retribution and fear, you completely lose the possibility of growth and development. You may look around and see that people are showing up for after hours events and taking on extra responsibilities. That may seem like a good thing, and sometimes it is. Other times, you’ve missed the heated conversation between spouses, the juggling, tolls and gas mileage, or the added bills for childcare that this additional time has caused. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard a colleague bemoan activities outside the work day, and then remind themselves that they want to appear to be a team player, stay on the boss’s good list, or not get in trouble.

Wow. If your motivation at work is to stay out of trouble or under the radar, there’s something amiss, either with you or your leaders.

For the most part, I am a worker with strong leadership skills. I like to work collaboratively, but also drive change. I don’t like to take credit or be acknowledged publicly for that work. I don’t want it to be me, me, me; I like it to be us, us, us.

As I entered my final days of teaching, I tried to set aside the way I was treated by my administrators. After all, I have always maintained that it was about the kids, and I stayed true to that until the final minute in my classroom. I wrote dozens of notes to colleagues, thanking them for their efforts and friendship; sent flowers; and chose little gifts to acknowledge people. I was also the recipient of some lovely, quiet, and generous messages and gestures. I was so grateful to have my wishes respected by my those around me who understood the way I am wired.

That is the way leaders are built. They respect and inspire; motivate and care. Simply, they lead.

Over the years, I read many National Honor Society essays in which students described their leadership qualities. They often included things like taking out the trash, doing their homework, or balancing a busy schedule as examples of their leadership. Rarely, if ever, did they share anecdotes of doing the right thing when it was the hard thing; taking up the cause of someone weaker than they; or even speaking the truth, regardless of how unpopular it might have been. I don’t know where they got these ideas about what leadership is and isn’t, but, if it’s just about taking out the trash or doing the dishes, we should all be paid more since we are great leaders.

As we run up to the national conventions and the elections, I fear that some of our views on leaders and leadership are skewed. I know that politics are murky, but I also know that when we sit down and talk about what a leader should be, our choices get clearer. I’m not using this forum to campaign or support specific candidates. As a matter of fact, I’d be happy to see this happen after job interviews and even pageant interviews! We should be choosing the best leaders—people who do more than the bare minimum of what’s expected; people who care and take care; those who wield power for good and advancement; and people who inspire others to do more because they feel compelled to, are committed, and find themselves truly happy at their jobs. Leaders do not seek to divide, take sides, and pit people against one another.

Leaders fucking lead. Let’s remember that, require that, and make it the norm, not the aberration.

And, in case you were wondering, George got a bigger job, “leading” more people, making more money, and probably facilitating absolutely no change or growth.