Debby Does…

I have noticed lately, in my world and the world at large, that people seem to feel that directions, signage, instructions, and warnings do not apply to them. The laws that govern us are mere suggestions and those among us who follow them are labeled fools.

Look, I admit to being an ardent rule follower. I am violently allergic to getting into trouble. I am convinced, still, at 54 years old, that everything is going on my permanent record. I know that I’m not alone on that.

In my teaching career, my first principal would write, “see me” on a post-it and throw it in my mailbox. I told him that if he wanted me to continue working there without threat of stroke or apoplectic fit, he needed to add a smiley face if I wasn’t in trouble. He obliged.

I mean, I know we all break simple rules sometimes, accidentally or as an act of civil disobedience. Going in the out door, jaywalking, speeding, or, in my life, using wet measuring cups for dry ingredients, all count as offenses. Still, we sneak them past the enforcers of these regulations and consider them to be minor infractions or even expected violations.

But, come on, there are some things so blatant, so entitled, so arrogant that they blow my mind.

Today, we passed some folks who clearly felt as though the rule was not for them.

There were at least 10 of these signs, surrounding the new sod recently installed at the playground. There were also sidewalks and paths, as well as benches in those areas for gathering. There were people all over the stinking grass.

Now, here’s my question: what if a local law enforcement officer presented them with a summons or a ticket for this violation?

Would they take to social media decrying the outrage, bemoaning the injustice, and shaking their proverbial fists at the system?

Maybe. And lots of people would agree with them.

I just keep thinking of how we got here.

My grandmother was a notorious jaywalker and was ticketed for it more than once. She had a sense of humor about it and never let my mother or me cross the street illegally. She paid her fine and knew it was the consequence of her actions. That’s how it works.

I started noticing that many parents of the students I taught did not see the importance of their children following rules and, when the rule was broken, suffering the consequence. As a result, no rule seemed valid to them and they had a sense of arrogance and entitlement that seeped into their academics, athletics, and social conduct. Sometimes these were serious infractions like cheating, sexual assault, and vandalism; yet, their parents excused the behaviors, offered them rewards for being unfairly treated, and slandered the teacher/administrator/cop who applied the punishment.

Isn’t anyone afraid of their permanent record anymore?

On our journey to our new life in Indiana, we watched two cars racing on the Pennsylvania Turnpike, missing other vehicles by millimeters and ultimately crashing, causing people to leap from their cars to help them, backing up traffic for miles, and scaring the shit out of me.

Was their “fun” more important than public safety?

Cars would race in huge groups on the Atlantic City Expressway, causing motorists to leave the road, have accidents, and even die as a result of the racers’ fun.

How did we get here? How is it that someone’s fun, daring experience, risky photo op, or need for a thrill is more important than your neighbor’s dad making it home alive or a child living a life free of catastrophic injury?

Where did it start? How do we fix it?

I know this probably sounds preachy, but it really upsets me. No one is above the law, more important that the rules, or gets to toy with the safety and security of others. No one. Not your kid, not your friend, and not me.

Isn’t it actually about more than your permanent record? Isn’t it about decency or, even more basic, courtesy? Do you need to put an actual face on tragedy or consequence in order to care?

If it says don’t stuff your tampon down the toilet, don’t do it.

If it says no dogs allowed, take your dog somewhere else.

If no smoking signs are posted, don’t smoke.

There are lots of bigger rules to take note of, as well. I won’t list them all here!

In case your parents/guardians/people in charge didn’t tell you, you’re not the kind of special that gets to run roughshod through the world , like a naked toddler escaping the bathtub.

You’re regular, just like me, and the rules apply.

Full confession. I got a detention in the 7th grade for talking at lunch. My grade was notoriously chatty, so silent lunches were put in place. My friend, Ellyn, was talking, so I turned to her and said, “Don’t talk. We’re going to get in trouble.”

Bam. Detention.

I sobbed and cried on the walk home from the school bus, convinced that I would never get into college now because of that mark on my permanent record.

As I sniffled and snuffled my way down the street, my mom came along in her car. I blurted out my horrible news, certain of the additional consequences I would receive.

She said, “Okay, fine, I think it’s good to check that off your list. Don’t get another one.”

That was it.

I served that detention, got all my homework done, and never found myself after school again, except for rehearsals!

And, not once, when I applied for college, went to my first professional audition, got my teaching job, or adopted a dog, did anyone mention that detention or my permanent record.

Who’s keeping track of that thing?

me. just me.

Keep track of yours. It matters.