Debby Does…

I’m going to start by saying, in case you don’t know, that I am a 55 year old, grown ass woman. As an only child, I grew up in a world with very high expectations and have turned into an adult with a real fear of “getting in trouble” and having something on my “permanent record.”

As I’ve moved through my fifties, I can say that the “fuck that” quotient of my life has risen, while the “I’m sorries” have fallen. I have one authentic version of myself that changes only by how appropriate the use of profanity might be in a certain situation. The “warts and all” part of me is much more vocal than it used to be.

Still, I continue to be amazed by how shocked I am when another adult scolds me (or other grown ass types) and, sometimes, even tries to assign a punishment of sorts. I guess I thought as we advanced through the decades, there would be less of that, especially when the admonishment is over truly trivial and minuscule matters.

Today, I got scolded for using someone’s alternate email address. There was a full paragraph explaining my transgression and what I needed to do to fix it. This came from a person who doesn’t know me well, so I’m guessing my the tone of my response was not fully realized.

“That was so inconvenient of me. I will address that right away. Gosh, I’m so sorry.”

IYKYK

Earlier in the year, I was scolded for responding to an invitation with a cute remark about the 800 mile commute and then asking to be removed from the mailing list. I was accused of creating a negative space.

I see adults do this to other adults on the regular. Lots of times through a shaming email or message, but sometimes live and in person, in front of people! I wouldn’t even do that with children!

What’s funny is that my “bad girl” email from today was from a person who has committed multiple email transgressions against me from promising a quick response last summer (still waiting) and spelling my name wrong recently. I just let it go and chalked it up to busy lives and autocorrect. I felt no need to make them feel less because of a mistake.

I guess that’s not how everyone views it. Some people simply have to be right, have to flash their power badge, and have to make sure you know that you were the one who screwed up. Blame is important to them.

With my “I assume everyone is doing the best that they can” philosophy, I just can’t see the need for this. Life is hard. I certainly did not hatch a diabolical plot to use a different email address for this person. Gmail just grabbed the one I used last and popped it in the box. I’m fairly certain no one was injured, no crimes were committed, and state secrets were not shared. Still, I got a full on scolding.

Le sigh…

I’m over here doing my best. It’s been a rough five years, and I’ve tried to give myself, and those around me, as much grace as possible to be messy and imperfect. At least I can guarantee that I won’t make this particular mistake again, the scolder in chief has been removed from my contacts and my world.

See you later, scolderator.